Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy sh*t we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.
     --Fight Club

Apparently a poll of 13-18 year olds found that 73% of them are Fight Club kids.

In fact, the teenage boys expected to make an average $174,000 annually. Teenage girls expected to earn $114,200.

The reality check:

Median earnings of men who worked full time, year round in 2005, the latest year for which Census Bureau statistics are available, was $41,386.
Women working full time made a median $31,858.
Fewer than 5% of the U.S. population makes more than $100,000, according to the bureau. Only one household out of six report a six-figure income, according to the Federal Reserve's 2004 Survey of Consumer Finances.

We live in a world of fine lines. I think about these fine lines all the time when I think about my imaginary children. We've taught every child in our country that anyone can grow up to be President of the United States, but I think we've forgotten to tell them that only one person actually gets to do it at a time.

Getting rich takes effort. It either takes a boatload of sacrifice and savings, or it takes extreme ambition and hard work. It's something you have to earn. That's why lottery winners usually end up right back where they started. It's why people like M.C. Hammer end up broke. If you don't get rich the old-fashioned way, you're less likely to understand what it means.

I plan to teach my imaginary kid to be old-fashioned.
And, as much as I enjoyed the movie, my kids won't be Fight Club kids.

Posted by: Sarah at 03:28 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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The other day ArmyWifeToddlerMom let down her hair and griped about the media. She mentioned that Ben Affleck was on the TV and the news station labeled him "political activist", to which I commented

What I find delicious is when actors like Ben Affleck -- people who, at worst, dropped out of high school or, at best, attended a few college classes -- act like they know so much more than the stupid, downtrodden, brainwashed soldiers -- people who, at worst, dropped out of high school but got a GED or, more often than not, attended a few college classes. Why exactly is Ben Affleck's opinion on foreign affairs considered more valuable than an Army specialist's? They have nearly the same schooling, but the specialist has actually done more in the real world...

This morning I found a post from one such specialist, working in the real world. He's seen more in his Fifteen Months and Counting than Ben Affleck has in his whole life.

Posted by: Sarah at 03:28 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I watched the Republican debate the other day and read the transcript from the Democrat one. I thought most of the questions seemed normal, though I did think it was a tad douchey to ask Huckabee to pin down exactly how many days he thought it took for God to create the world. Nobody asked Hillary to explain what exactly she thinks of Saul Alinsky. Some stuff just isn't important for the presidential debate.

That said, I love Frank J's suggestion for debate questions. It starts with "If you had to pick a minority group you like the least, which one would it be?" and gets even funnier.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:34 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I started reading The Closing of the American Mind with rapt attention. I was gasping out loud through the first segment. The second segment got me bogged down a little bit in Socrates and Nietzsche, but I suppose I merely proved the author's point, that college students are no longer given a basic understanding of philosophy and thought. Touché, Bloom, I had a hard time with that segment. I'm wrapping up the third segment now, and I noticed the parallels between what I am reading in the book and this article, Idiot Compassion:

The world, viewed through the liberal's gray colored, politically-correct glasses, makes no discerning judgments, or at least incorrect ones. Hence, we get addle-brained protesters picketing to save the lives of serial killers on death row or human shields willing to give up their lives to protect suicide bomber cults and Islamic terrorists. Since all killing is bad, it must be bad to kill Islamic terrorists or convicted murderers. This idiot view, foregoes the greater good and lapses into solipsism.

I also found an interesting tidbit that would've come in handy when an old friend told me my anger made me no better than Mohammad Atta and that I should read some Gandhi:

The biographies of the Buddha reveal that in one of his early incarnations, he met a murderer of 1000's of men. Acting correctly and with compassion for all sentient beings, the Buddha's incarnation killed the murderer to prevent additional suffering. That is true compassion!

Last week when I was reminiscing, I also found an old email from Bunker in which he was flipping through Plato's Republic and thought I might want to give it a try. That dovetails nicely with The Closing of the American Mind, and so I might have to sit down with a little Plato and see if I can make myself smarter.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:10 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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You really must go read "In Saudi Arabia, a view from behind the veil," an article about the horrific gender segregation. It's absolutely vile. Go here and click on the top link to read.

Posted by: Sarah at 03:07 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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At the edge of the cliffs, the wind is a smack, and D-day becomes wildly clear:
climbing that cutting edge into the bullets.
-- John Vinocur

photos taken by Sarah
Normandy, France 1999

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Our old neighbor was an Army dentist, and I asked him once if there was any difference in having soldiers for patients. He said he loved having soldier patients, because they never argue or complain. He said most of the time they fall asleep in the chair and he can do all his dental work without issue.

I love that soldiers can sleep anywhere, eat anything, and be happy doing whatever it takes. My husband can sit in the hottest, loudest, most cramped airplane seat and be fine, because it's still more comfortable than a tank.

I love soldiers more than anything, which is why I got such a kick out of Lemon Stand's post about soldiers eating in an Air Force chow hall.

I can totally imagine their faces. I love it.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:26 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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I just found a great post from a Marine's girlfriend over at Loquita's Blog. At this point, he is talking about getting out because he doesn't want to put her through a deployment. This bothers her.

I don't want LT to make a decision about staying in the Marine Corps based on not wanting to put me through the lack of work-life balance inherent in the military lifestyle - intense training schedules, never-ending and always inconvenient or last-minute (or both) changes to those schedules, and of course deployments.
...
Maybe I've just become too invested in my mil-spouse persona, and I don't want to give up the feeling of having a shared bond with others... And as ashamed as I am to admit it, I'd go so far as to say I don't want to give up on this new kind of clique that I'm eligible to be a member of.

And who would LT be if he wasn't a Marine? How will my view of him change, and what will our life be like post-USMC? I don't even know for sure what career or profession he would end up in. He talks about becoming a firefighter or a police officer. But how would he or I know if those jobs are any more conducive to maintaining a good work-life balance? At this point, I've adjusted to the military thing, I've found support through reading blogs online, and I'm not anxious to go through any more big changes...

I can completely relate to this feeling. When my husband applied for Civil Affairs the first time and didn't get in, he decided he would get out of the Army. And I cried. Oh how I cried. And tried to pretend I wasn't crying, because it's his job and his choice to make, and I didn't want him to stay in just so his wife would stop crying.

Often we hear about wives who urge their husbands to get out of the military. But it's something entirely different to urge your husband to stay in. You can emotionally blackmail someone to stop doing what he loves, but how do you make him keep doing something you want him to do...without the blackmail?

I was so scared, lying there in the dark that night, talking about getting out. What would we do? Where would we go? All we've ever known together has been the Army, and I was terrified about getting out. Terrified about finding another job, devastated about letting go of retiring at 42, and scared to death that he'd get another job only to find he hated the civilian world even more than he hated Army Finance.

But how could I make him stay? I wasn't the one doing an unsatisfying job. I wasn't the one who felt betrayed by the Army because I'd offered to make myself more useful only to have them brush me off. I wasn't the one who ultimately had to choose.

Luckily, he wasn't at the point where he could get out quickly. Luckily he still owed the Army another three years after that fateful night, and he managed to find his way into Civil Affairs a year later. And he's happy again.

But could I have really let him get out? I don't really like to think about that. If the situation came up again, we'd discuss again.

And I'd cry. Oh how I'd cry.

Posted by: Sarah at 07:57 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Since we started this crazy pre-deployment, mobilization, now deployment thing 17+ months ago, I have been encouraging my husband (Army Reserves) to get MORE into Army. He has been accepted into AGR. I understand the inclusion and exclusiveness of military life. I feel like I am only on the edge of the pool, but I like how the water feels on my feet. I'd like to dive on in.

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at June 04, 2007 09:05 AM (+2qii)

2 My Hubby got out after 6 years active Navy and did on year of "loafing" then went into the Guard. We were still young and I did not really know how to open my mouth yetto say I wanted him to stay active duty. I grew up AF and became a Navy wife turned Army National Guard wife. Oh how I wish I had know how much Hubby wanted to stay in. I miss the active duty and being around others in the same boat all the time. Now he feels to old to go active duty and these last two deployments have taken alot out of him and me too. I can't blame him. Our oldest has already started talking to recuters and trying to decide which service is best for him. Wow to think I thought I was the only wife out there who wanted their husband to stay in the military.

Posted by: Reasa at June 04, 2007 02:34 PM (JfF5d)

3 Thanks for checking out my blog Sarah - it was really interesting to read your own thoughts on this since you've been in this boat a lot longer than me. "Often we hear about wives who urge their husbands to get out of the military. But it's something entirely different to urge your husband to stay in." Sometimes when I talk to my boyfriend's family, I feel like they almost resent the fact that I don't try to push him to get out. They talk about his upcoming EAS as if he's getting out for sure, and there's not even a decision to make. Reasa, you described the same thing I'm worried about: "Oh how I wish I had know how much Hubby wanted to stay in." I'm terrified that he won't accept my acceptance (bad wording, I know) of the military lifestyle, and he'll sacrifice something he wants to do because he thinks he has to do it to keep me. I wish his family hadn't always been so critical of his decision to be in the military - I feel like he's so conditioned to their attitude that he can't even comprehend mine... It definitely makes me feel better that there are other out there like me!

Posted by: loquita at June 04, 2007 05:45 PM (nEjmo)

4 We have been "loafing" around in the civilan world for the past seven months. And honestly, we both hate it. I hope his paperwork goes through fast.

Posted by: Jennifer at June 08, 2007 11:05 AM (TMBJh)

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My very first blog post was actually an email to Steven den Beste about a lecture I overheard at our on-post college. The professor was spending an awful lot of time bashing the US instead of teaching the subject matter. One of the things I overheard was:

he was lecturing about how, despite what any sources say to the contrary, the American government does not give any humanitarian aid to foreign nations. He said that all American aid comes with strings attached, unlike aid from other countries like Sweden, Switzerland, and Germany. He said that the US does not donate any money in the world for purely humanitarian causes. I couldn't help but be shocked by this statement, considering that he was lecturing to 16 American soldiers and family members. I thought it was rather gutsy of him to make such statements.

Four years later, this statement doesn't bother me as much as it did that day. I have come to understand that aid without strings is pretty stupid, and there's no reason to fault our country for wanting something in return for our help. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. By all means, string away! I think we could use more strings attached to the things we do (both at home and abroad).

However, I still think we give a heckuva lot of aid out that gets us very little in return. This is a perfect example.

That's a picture of construction being done on a bridge between Afghanistan and Tajikistan.

By summer 2007, a U.S. Army Corps of Engineers team hopes to open a $43 million, more than 2,200-foot steel-span bridge that will link the two sides.

The bridge — which will span the Oxus River, famously crossed by Alexander the Great during his conquests — will provide a valuable trade route straight from Tajikistan to the ports of Pakistan, allowing overland movement of essential goods and hopefully, economic development in Afghanistan, Tajikistan and other Central Asian nations that avail themselves of the trade route.
...
Currently, the only way to cross the river is via a ferry that costs $15 per person, a stiff price for Afghans, whose average annual income is $800.

Project staff could not provide figures as to how much each side — Afghan or Tajik — would benefit economically from the bridge. But both sides of the bank already appear to be steeling themselves for a boom — new hotels have popped up on either side and residents and government officials from both nations say they’re optimistic.
...
Walls, who in addition to serving as project manager is also a resident engineer and the contracting officerÂ’s representative, said he also hopes the completed project will send a message to those who use it.

“The people of Afghanistan and the people of Tajikistan see we’re building something constructive,” he said. “It shows America as doing something to help the country.”

The United States gets absolutely nothing of economic value from Tajikistan. They don't have oil. Their main export is cotton, grown at the expense of their environment and the Aral Sea because of stupid Soviet planning. And Afghanistan means nothing to us save the terrorism aspect.

There's only one conclusion: We spent $43 million dollars to win the hearts and minds.

Seriously, I'd love for this professor to explain to me the selfish reasons behind fronting the money for this bridge. Halliburton didn't make any profit, and there's not a drop of oil crossing the bridge. We simply paid $43 million dollars so people in that region would like us and maybe think twice before joining al Qaeda. That's it.

The next time someone tells you that the US never does anything for humanitarian reasons, remember this bridge. Nothing in the world is a free lunch -- not even in Sweden, despite what this prof says -- but building a $43 million bridge just so people in the area will like you comes pretty damned close.

Posted by: Sarah at 06:53 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
-- "Remember" by Christina Rosetti

Most days I do forget and smile, but there are still plenty of days when I remember and am sad. And June 3rd will always be one of those days.

R.I.P. Bunker Mulligan

A tribute over at SpouseBUZZ to his legacy

Posted by: Sarah at 09:44 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Our best friend from college is Indian. He got a computer science degree and then got a work visa from his employer. And unfortunately, to my understanding of the system, his work visa is tied to the job he applied for, so he hasn't been able to be promoted once in the past five years. He's waiting patiently in line for his green card so he can advance in his job and become a bigger asset for his employer.

He's also one of the smartest and most informed people we know. He's the guy my husband calls when he wants to talk politics or foreign affairs. And if he has to get in the same line as Mexican fruit pickers, I will be royally disgusted with my country.

(this article also via Hud, who calls it the nail in Bush's coffin)

Posted by: Sarah at 03:40 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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When I was two years old, I got to meet Mr. Rogers in the airport. I don't remember it, but my parents took me over to say hello. They say that Mr. Rogers was the exact same person in real life as he was on TV and that he talked to me as if I were the most important person in the room.

I told that story to someone a few years ago, and she gave me a weird look and said that Mr. Rogers was a pedophile. I was stunned. I had never heard any such thing, and I told her she'd better google it and make sure of what she was saying before she ever repeated it again.

I loved this blog post (via Hud), and I hope that my friend has never repeated those horrible things about such a wonderful man.

Posted by: Sarah at 03:25 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Found this article via today's Bleat:

As America comes to terms with our diminished omnipotence in the wake of 9/11, the Iraq War and President Bush's international unpopularity, we're growing weary of Teflon-coated John Wayne stereotypes of masculinity.

Says you, maybe. As for me, I stand by my original assessment of what is hot. And for me, it's definitely still alpha males.

John Wayne is not a stereotype; he's an archetype.
And a hot one at that.

Posted by: Sarah at 03:54 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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1 I just read your HOT post. I just about died laughing. I definitely gotta agree with you. After long periods of separation from the husband, almost every guy has the potential to be HOT. I love it when my husband send me pics of him with his guns and gear and a cigar hanging out of his mouth. That is definitely HOT.

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at June 01, 2007 08:33 AM (RX8Nf)

2 Gotta love an alpha male... We could start playing military wife, my Husband is more Alpha than yours!!

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at June 01, 2007 08:39 AM (6nWEM)

3 I SO agree with you! Dh was in the Army when we were dating, and Good Gravy did he look good in a pair of BDUs! What is it about BDUs that makes a man's butt look SO good? Give me a man swinging a hammer or shooting a gun any day of the week over some fancy-pants GQ guy.

Posted by: bunchkin at June 01, 2007 09:16 AM (KAM6m)

4 bunchkin - "swinging a hammer" . . . you too? You think that pic of Chuck Z. (from my position . . . on the way) looks HOT swinging that hammer?!? I thought I was the only one! Well maybe his wife thinks he looks HOT there too. LOL! What can I say. And yes, my husband knows about what I think. he shakes his head and rolls his eyes (or at least I imagine he does).

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at June 01, 2007 09:38 AM (RX8Nf)

5 We now have this running joke in our house because I just discovered John Cena. Apparently he's now my "wrestler boyfriend." And my husband was mortified last night when I didn't rush to agree with him when he said he could easily kick Sylvester Stallone's butt. He's mad I thought it might actually be a real fight! Ha.

Posted by: Sarah at June 01, 2007 10:14 AM (vrR+j)

6 I recently met a friend of Slyvester Stallone...I guess the dude is like my height, or shorter!! I might be able to kick his ass.

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at June 01, 2007 12:44 PM (6nWEM)

7 Ahhh.....Alpha Males...... Oh, I'm sorry did you say something after that. My mind just started wandering..... ;-)

Posted by: Tammi at June 01, 2007 01:35 PM (wbVY2)

8 John Wayne will always be my "it"! Always.

Posted by: Maggie at June 02, 2007 08:49 AM (Q8ndf)

9 All this estrogen and I am in Iraq . . .

Posted by: Badger 6 at June 03, 2007 09:00 AM (rlynI)

10 I always said the five "C"s that women find irresistable are confidence, competence, courage, compassion, and comedy. As a man if you have these five traits, there's not a woman alive that you can't charm.

Posted by: Michael at June 10, 2007 08:37 AM (vubLE)

11 I need a cold shower now, thankyouverymuch.

Posted by: HomefrontSix at June 13, 2007 10:54 AM (4Es1w)

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CaliValleyGirl said she often wants to run off and start her own country. Here's another reason to join her:

Presidential hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton outlined a broad economic vision Tuesday, saying it's time to replace an "on your own" society with one based on shared responsibility and prosperity.

The Democratic senator said what the Bush administration touts as an ownership society really is an "on your own" society that has widened the gap between rich and poor.

"I prefer a 'we're all in it together' society," she said. "I believe our government can once again work for all Americans. It can promote the great American tradition of opportunity for all and special privileges for none."

That means pairing growth with fairness, she said, to ensure that the middle-class succeeds in the global economy, not just corporate CEOs.

"There is no greater force for economic growth than free markets. But markets work best with rules that promote our values, protect our workers and give all people a chance to succeed," she said. "Fairness doesn't just happen. It requires the right government policies.

Great googily moogily. That's an extremely scary worldview.

Of course "fairness doesn't just happen," because what people like Clinton want is fairness of result. And that requires that the government rig the system so that overachievers can't get rich and dumb people don't get poor. What's "fair" about the United States is that anyone who works hard can get rich, or at least move up the economic scale. Just ask the Combodian donut makers, who own upwards of 90% of donut shops in California. They came to this country, invested in a business where they could be successful, and work their tails off:

“It’s not easy work at all. As a family we are working seven days a week, the store is open 24 hours, and we have no family time. It’s tiring,” said a 26-year-old Chinese American who requested anonymity.

No one offered to make things more fair for these people. They came to the US and worked, instead of expecting the government to help them live. And they did it "on their own." I know several people from countries like Poland and Bulgaria who came to the US with the money in their pockets and worked like the dickens to earn every cent they have. If they can do it, anyone can. On their own.

They tried the "'we're all in it together' society" before; it was called the U.S.S.R. And it failed miserably because not everyone wants to work as hard as a Cambodian donut cutter. Is Hilary Clinton really silly-brained enough to think that this is the direction the US should take?

Hey, Cali, if we start this new country, I want the Cambodians to come with us.
Donuts rule.

Posted by: Sarah at 12:56 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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The flippant deal is still bothering me a bit. I don't think I've ever heard the words "Sarah" and "flippant" used in the same sentence in my life, so I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. I think that's the worst insult she could've given me, considering how seriously I take motherhood. I went to her site and did a search on the word pregnancy, and I read about her miscarriage. It sounds awful, and I am deeply sorry that she had to go through this. But can't she have any sympathy for me? I'm almost 30 and I don't have any children, and I want one. She has children; can't she understand why I would be sad that I am not pregnant? And how could she possibly accuse me of being "flippant" about pregnancy when she wrote this post about being pregnant?

The only person who has moral authority over this blog is Heidi Sims. The other day I wrote a post about how great my husband is; you think that makes her feel good to read that? But she didn't feel the need to comment and say what a jerk I am. Trust me, I think about her every time I post about my so-called troubles, ever since the day when I was moaning about my husband being the last one home from Iraq, she was there to give me an attagirl. Carren Ziegenfuss always says that every person's life is different and you are only responsible for dealing with the troubles you have; you don't have to constantly feel bad that your husband has all ten fingers. I do constantly feel bad about those things, and I feel it in this situation too. I feel for people who really do have infertility issues. I feel for people who have lost children. I don't need a commenter to point out what a jerk I am for not prefacing posts about my life with disclaimers that I know my problems aren't real problems. I am already well aware of that, thankyouverymuch. But they're the problems on my plate, and this is where I deal with them.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:32 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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1 I've been reading your blog for quite a while, and you do not strike me at all as a flippant person.

Posted by: david foster at May 31, 2007 11:02 AM (gguM0)

2 Sarah- I didn't think you were being flippant, and I know you weren't. But we can't always control what others want to see in words that affect them. I've spent an awful lot of my life having things I say misconstrued - sometimes willfully misconstrued because someone wanted to see something whether it was there or not. It's one of the dangers of speaking/writing in a way that others want to read. If you were un-engaging or boring, no one would be here to read what you write about your path to growing your family. Using sarcasm or other methods to try to take the "sting" out of something that is affecting you deeply is healthy -- for you. And for me. And for many people. But not for everyone. Things will happen for you when they are supposed to happen, and not before. It would be nice to have been given a road map of our destiny when we are born, but we aren't. There is no law that says you aren't allowed to deal with your frustrations in the best way possible for your own health and sanity. In retrospect, I would have to say if anyone was flippant, it was my email to you about the fun of trying for a baby vs. the horrors of dieting. Both things I am intimately familiar with. So, feel free to pass me the Flippant Queen title so you can take a load off.

Posted by: airforcewife at May 31, 2007 12:49 PM (0dU3f)

3 move over AFW, I wanna be The Queen of Flippant. You may be funnier at it...can we share? Yes, one of the bad things about the Blogosphere.. I call it Lost in Translation. For example, I am hilarious in person....not so much on the blog... (that was sarcasm for those that missed it) Also can I move to Brits country?

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at May 31, 2007 01:11 PM (6nWEM)

4 Sarah, We tried for just shy of a year to get pregnant and had given up. I was even sceduled for surgery to look for endo when by chance I peed on a stick because my boobs wouldn't fit into my bra yet I had lost 10 lbs. Viola the boy Oz is now on his way! Everyting you said in your original post was exactly how I felt. I cursed the OPK kits, I cursed the thermometer as I took my temp every morning and I cursed my period every time it showed....Basically a swore A LOT! Each person deals with their life's disappointments differently, mine is with sarcastic humor, you seem to be very methodical and presistent (with a slight twist of sarcasm). Doesn't make either one bad or good it just makes one mine and one yours. If this poster can't handle your way of dealing with YOUR life's issues then she needs to get her own blast life. SEESH, maybe you can buy her a sense of humor. PS - Boff like bunnies during R&R, even if you don't get pregnant then either at least you had a really good time.

Posted by: Household6 at May 31, 2007 02:20 PM (q1ZbX)

5 Wow, I hardly know what to say. I started blogging recently and have often wondered if I offended anyone with what I write. I read and reread your post trying to find something flippant. The first time I got pregnant it took two months and every time I got my period I cried. It is all about perspective and others should not judge you for yours. In addition to the fact that deployments put a ton of pressure on family time lines. Perhaps some of your readers need to be reminded that Army deployments last 12-15 months now, which really screws up family planning. I love reading your blog, keep it up!!!

Posted by: Sarah at May 31, 2007 03:37 PM (Ww52B)

6 I have been reading and lurking for awhile now and i have not seen you as flippant. If anything I find it reassuring and so very funny. I am one of the people who has never had a problem getting pregant and when I read your post about how hard it has been on you I cried and wanted to give you one of mine. Really the 3 year old is yours to take. (DISCLAIMER: He is not really up for grabs. I just feel like giving him away for a few days.) Try not to let what others say who have not walked in your shoes get to you. Your heart is huge and this is your blog. You put out whatever you want and tell the ones who don't get it to "Bite me!!"

Posted by: Reasa at May 31, 2007 05:52 PM (JfF5d)

7 Opinions are like assholes, yes? And as I said in my comment, I have tried to comment before, only to have it kicked back. It wasn't just this particular post, and as I said in my comment, I am sure that you don't mean to come across that way.... The miscarriage post that I made over a year ago? That was the first of three miscarriages. I am not looking for sympathy, it happens. I understand more than anyone wanting to have babies and having windows of opportunity, and I have been reading you for a long time.... I think that what I SHOULD HAVE SAID was that it's not that easy sometimes to get pregnant, and there's only 12 times a year.... And when you finally are pregnant, it's no joke.... It's also not time to celebrate because it's just the beginning. I do have sympathy for you.... I hope that you never have a bad experience or a shitty pregnancy, but it happens to other people all the time.... And thinking that it's going to be easy? Well, it's not. Thinking that bad things happen to other people, not you. Talking about being a mom and being a mom are different, too. You can think that you are going to do it right, make the best decisions, read the right books.... You had a previous post about the "What to Expect..." books and the Q&A sections.... I felt you were pretty harsh with a know-it-all attitude about the women and the questions they were asking. I'm not going to research the post. To me you are coming across as a very bright woman who doesn't understand a "surprise" pregnancy. You plan for it, through control... But there are few of us that have that much planning sense. And like I said, I will leave it at that. I'm sure that I overreacted and now have this overreaction back at me.... Rereading things from me, posted a year, almost two, that were almost gone for me.... I am bummed that you didn't hit your window. Going through pregnancy alone isn't easy, either. For obvious reasons.... Guess I deserved that.

Posted by: allicadem at May 31, 2007 06:01 PM (wkFhu)

8 PHHHHT. Let me translate - compared to doom and gloom, nothing is easy, "it's not a time to celebrate" oracle addicadem, you ARE flippant. Thank God for that!

Posted by: Oda Mae at May 31, 2007 08:52 PM (wK887)

9 Sarah, I've been reading your blog for 3 years now and I've never known you to be flippant. As far as pregnancy goes, it took us 2 years to get pregnant with our first. And, like a cliche, we got pregnant right after I returned from a deployment (along with half the other couples in the Brigade, it seems). I know it's frustrating when you want to start a family and nothing happens, but don't give up. At the same time, don't take away from enjoying your time together. Good luck!

Posted by: Chadd at June 01, 2007 03:25 AM (roGJq)

10 I really appreciated your post. My husband and I have been trying since January. Although we don't have the time concerns that you do (with your husband being gone), it's still frustrating and sad. The reason I really appreciated your post is that we're not telling anyone that we're trying, and as all of our friends get pregnant, and I get another period, it's just nice to know, that even though I don't know you and you have no idea who I am, I'm not alone. Thank you!!!!

Posted by: Majik8 at June 01, 2007 05:58 AM (Lbvh6)

11 Her comments speak volumes about her, not about you, especially since no one seems to be agreeing with you being flippant. Sarah, only you can know what is best for you and your family. I see you trying to do that. You are obviously not going into this pregnancy and motherhood blindly. You are trying to set yourself up for success. It is so clear that you want this so badly, that you did pour your heart into that post, that only a person with a great deal of emotional baggage, own personal suffering, and an apparent lack of a self-edit button would call you or your post flippant. I can understand how that hurts you deeply. Even more surprising to me . . . she didn't apologize, but tried to justify her position and blunt comments further. Salt to the insult on top of injury. That's just bad behavior. It is your blog. Post what you like. It looks like you have lots of supporters here who care about you and struggles to get pregnant. I'm sorry that this isn't coming easy for you. Take care of yourself. And here's a big hug.

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at June 01, 2007 08:16 AM (RX8Nf)

12 Very few people understand...perspective. I know you do. Having a baby alone...twice, not much fun. Especially since we waited 10 years. (yes, we are planners, and guess what, it is important to plan the arrival of a human to our planet!) And so while my Mother was in ICU, and I was at her bedside finally pregnant.....I watched the twin towers fall, and knew I would be alone, for the birth. I am not sure if there is a perfect time or place, or way to have a baby. And looking back, it was ok. I sure learned a lot about myself. I am terribly baddass. Would I have preferred to have DH there after 10 years of WAITING, you bet your ass on it. But I guess The Lord thought there was a more important lesson for me to learn. I learned it TWICE! So enjoy....and this post will probably comfort people tremendously. People in OUR position, or other couples trying, so there is that. Moral authority, no one knows your life until they have lived it... So continue with baby quest 2007, and enjoy!

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at June 01, 2007 10:13 AM (6nWEM)

13 "...that only a person with a great deal of emotional baggage, own personal suffering, and an apparent lack of a self-edit button..." "...she didn't apologize, but tried to justify her position and blunt comments further." Mom? Is that you? Just kidding. Was I being flippant? I am entitled to my opinion as is everyone else here in the blog'o'sphere. I'm sorry how you reacted to what I said.... How's that for an apology? Sarah.... I do apologize for hurting your feelings. I hope that we can move on (not moveon.org). But if you were a little sore from 'flippant' I got it tenfold! POW! POW! WHAM! I remember Tammi getting a crappy response from a post -- you should have seen the turnout of defense! Take it easy. Drink some wine. Listen to some Barry White. I heard that works.....

Posted by: allicadem at June 01, 2007 01:03 PM (wkFhu)

14 Yeah, AlliCadem, you got it with both barrels. But I think it's because people thought you took a cheap shot. Like I said in my email, your argument might have some merit, but you wrapped it in such an insulting bow. No hard feelings. We squash it right now.

Posted by: Sarah at June 01, 2007 05:10 PM (vrR+j)

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Some people are just complete and utter freaks. Wendy's manager shot over chili sauce
What on earth is wrong with people?

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Flippant? I got called "flippant" in my attitude towards having a baby. Ouch.

I poured my heart into that post. I cried the whole time I wrote it. I think I'm anything but flippant about having a baby.

How many times have I called my mother, ArmyWifeToddlerMom, Angie, Erin, Kelly, Erin, and many others to ask questions about motherhood? To talk about how scared I am about taking this step in our life? How many conversations have CaliValleyGirl and I had about our own childhoods and which lessons we want to pass on to our future children?

This is practically the only topic my husband and I discuss anymore: how to foster upstanding human beings. We waited five years to get to this point, to make sure we were absolutely ready. And every day we get excited and extremely nervous about what the future holds. We know we don't have all the answers. But we're at the point where we're ready to try.

Cut me some freaking slack that now that we're ready, I want it to happen.

I sometimes forget that things don't always come off perfectly in written form. I forget that people who know me from the internet don't always really know me. But that comment came from someone whose blog I really liked, whose thoughts and ideas I always appreciated even if I didn't agree with them. That comment really, really stung.

Yes, I know that not getting pregnant for four months is not the worst thing that can happen to someone. Duh, I could write the book on Perspective. Every month as I cry, my husband reminds me that everything is OK and that we still have room for hope. I constantly think of people like my friend Kelly who have no hope and I ache inside. Trying to get pregnant and failing is the most humbling experience I've ever had, because it makes me really put my self in some painful shoes. I can't imagine doing this for years.

I'm sorry if I offended you with my "flippant" attitude towards the most important thing I've ever done in my entire life. I have no idea how that came across. But I do wish you'd kept your mouth shut, because I don't think you know me very well.

(Update here.)

Posted by: Sarah at 03:04 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Tonight while cleaning up after dinner, I knocked over and broke a wine glass and one of my nice plates, and then less than two minutes later I put a steak knife into my finger.

Not a good day.

Posted by: Sarah at 12:49 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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A while back I wrote on SpouseBUZZ about the agony of trying to have a baby when you're in a race against deployments.

We've now officially missed our window.

Funny how when I was growing up I was led to believe that sex leads to pregnancy. Young girls are reminded over and over of teen pregnancy, thus I have been a birth control nazi from day one. And now I've seen this myth crumbling before my eyes, as I've just spent the last four months charting my temperature and counting days and worrying about egg-white mucus and absolutely failing at making a baby. All the horror stories about getting pregnant from a toilet seat, for pete's sake, feel pretty freaking absurd when you can't even do it when you're trying your hardest.

Every 28 days I feel like the world's biggest loser.

Today we've learned again that we've been unsuccessful, but I guess now the pressure of the race against time is off: my husband becomes deployable again in nine months. Barring a wonderful surprise, we now are pretty much guaranteed he won't be here for the birth of our baby. Hell, that's assuming we will ever be successful. At this point I'm so frustrated that I don't know what to think anymore.

My mom, bless her heart, keeps telling me to relax, that stress can prevent you from getting pregnant. I know she's got a point, but making a baby is pretty darned scientific too. Way more scientific than I was ever led to believe during sex ed classes. I've learned a lot about my body over the past few months, knowledge I wouldn't have if I'd gotten pregnant right away, for which I am indeed thankful. But with this knowledge comes the annoyed feeling that if we're doing everything right on the right days, why isn't this working?

Now I guess we can just throw up our hands and relax. It doesn't make a whit of difference whether I have a baby on my husband's third month of deployment or his sixth. Either way, we've missed out on something very important to me: his presence by my side in the hospital.

Posted by: Sarah at 08:53 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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1 I'm really sorry to hear about this...I know that I am no replacement for the father being at the birth, but I will come hold your hand and help you through.

Posted by: CaliValleyGirl at May 29, 2007 09:31 AM (deur4)

2 Sarah - I don't even know you (though I feel like I do from reading), but this brings tears to my eyes. I have a number of friends who have gone thru similar issues with conceiving, but none of them have faced the date of potential deployment on the horizon. I hope that everything works out for you, and that your husband will be by your side during delivery. Do you have an ovulation predictor kit? Do you know for sure you are ovulating? I have several friends who used those & they "helped" alot. Thinking of you - Keri

Posted by: Keri at May 29, 2007 09:49 AM (l3uZP)

3 Yes, we take a pill for years so we won't get pregnant, and then many of us have to turn to drugs so we WILL get pregnant. Crazy ... I can't help you out with the deployment issue, but ... I know you have been told this a THOUSAND times, but I believe it really is true. My husband and I tried for a year to get pregnant - doing the ovulation kit (which was NEVER positive), etc, etc. We had been told from the beginning that it probably would not happen naturally for us. We decided to adopt and had just started researching the process when - you guessed it - the monthly pregnancy test was FINALLY positive. The second time around, we said, eh, we'll give it a shot and if it happens it happens. No counting days or predicting hormone levels, etc. A month later, I was pregnant. I'm not saying I know how you feel or that it will happen for you no matter what, I'm just saying that sometimes things do work out. Hope that long ramble helped in some small way! blogs.tampabay.com/standingby

Posted by: Jan Wesner at May 29, 2007 03:43 PM (5EgLa)

4 I echo the "ovualtion predictor kit"...It works! Best of luck and relax...I know that it is hard, but a baby is the best blessing and when he or she arrives, you will forget the months of trying and will only remember that he or she has finally arrived.

Posted by: StephanieBerndt at May 29, 2007 04:26 PM (+bp0U)

5 I hate to say it, but I'm with your mom. *grin* First of all, it's much much easier to get pregnant the younger you are. Second, I haven't looked at any studies, but it just makes sense that if you've been using pills to mess about with your hormones - it will take a while to "unmess" them... maybe up to a year or more depending on the woman. Third, you are very analytical (much like me) doing everything in a certain way and orderly is natural to you - makes you feel like you have some control over your life. And while I know you'll have a hard time doing this... let it go. The best thing to learn when you have kids is that there are some things you can't control. Things can and do happen when you least expect it. Things go right and wrong exactly when they shouldn't. And if everything goes exactly to plan every step of the way at this stage... you will (without even realizing it) set impossible standards for a child. It's just too tempting as a parent to want to try and control everything in their lives to make it "perfect". It never ever works. So, put away your kits, stop worrying about when and where and most of all - enjoy being with your husband!!! Be together, be happy. The rest will work itself out. It won't be perfect - so enjoy the imperfections. Make your time with your husband count. You two as a unit are the most important thing - even after the baby comes. You two strong and in love will do more for your baby than anything else you ever do! Stop "trying" and start living. Enjoy yourself. Things will fall into place. Really they will. And if you absolutely MUST do something... set a date on your calendar of a year from now - see where you are, see what's happening. Don't even look at it until it comes up on your calendar next year.

Posted by: Teresa at May 29, 2007 04:41 PM (gsbs5)

6 Ughhh... Sarah, There are few people that really honestly deserve the honor of guidig small people on the planet. You and your DH, will get the honor....puke and all to be sure... Enjoy practicing while there is not the pitter patter of little fat feet in the house.....Use every available space you will not be able to once a small child comes into play. Have fun, and let DH sweep dishes off of the kitchen table!

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at May 29, 2007 05:20 PM (Eygv8)

7 I have no kids and no practical experience on this topic. But it breaks my heart to see people like you who doing everything you can to have children and for whatever reason, it just isn't happening on your time schedule. I'm with AWTM, practice everywhere you can. Just see how much practice you can get in before he deploys. And remember that the practice is supposed to be fun and not "work". I bet anything, it will work for you. best wishes.

Posted by: Butterfly Wife at May 30, 2007 05:00 PM (RX8Nf)

8 Some people try for years to get pregnant. Some people never get pregnant. I can't help but be somewhat offended by your flippant attitude at pregnancy and parenthood. I'm sure you probably don't mean to come across that way, but I have typed lengthy responses to you numerous times and each time, for whatever reason, it was never posted -- too much spam, computer takes a crap.... Maybe it was a sign?!? I should keep my mouth shut.... Pregnancy and parenthood is the most humbling and embarrassing experience.... Ever. You think you have all the answers and do everything "right" but guess what? You don't. And it won't. And not to be the biggest bummer, but some of us *finally* get pregnant, only to miscarry over and over. I'm sorry that you want to be pregnant right this second, but seriously? I have such a terrible time reading your posts about parenting and pregnancy.... I'll leave it at that.

Posted by: allicadem at May 30, 2007 05:46 PM (wkFhu)

9 Allicadem, If you have such a difficult time reading her posts about parenting and pregnancy, then don't read them! She knows waiting four months is not a very long time in the grand scheme of things, but it certainly doesn't take away from her disappointment each monh. I hope you rethink your post to her. She's really a very sensitive, caring person.

Posted by: Nancy at May 31, 2007 08:13 AM (mfwPj)

10 Hi! I just started reading your blog a week ago, so nice to "meet" you! I got married at 17, and Dh and I started trying for a baby a year later. It took us 10 months to get pregnant! At the time I thought all he would have to do was look at me to get pregnant, but it didn't happen that way. I even went to a docctor to get checked out, I started to really worry that something was wrong. But after 10 months I got 2 blue lines! With my second child it took 4 months, and with 3 and 4 it only took 1. It almost seemed like it took my body a few babies to "get the hang of it". Try not to stress too much and enjoy the trying!

Posted by: bunchkin at May 31, 2007 11:22 AM (KAM6m)

11 I'm so sorry to hear that it's been such a trouble. I got no advice (no vast well of experience from which to draw, haha!). But I also have no doubt that it will eventually happen, just maybe not on your time table. Yeah, that's not your style. But hang in there. *hugs*

Posted by: FbL at June 01, 2007 09:57 PM (TXlt9)

12 Im sort of late in commenting on this post and was a little upset at the "flippant" comment. I still wanted to say, I'm sorry you missed your window. I'll be praying God comforts you and continues to prepare you for motherhood. I'm believing for you, that you will get pregnant. As I've heard it said: You do all you can do and then......Let Go and Let God. ...and Im with AWTM! *big hug*

Posted by: Navy Wife Wendy at June 04, 2007 07:18 PM (CfMHF)

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Peter Collier at OpinionJournal writes

The New York Times, which featured Abu Ghraib on its front page for 32 consecutive days, put the story of Dunham's Medal of Honor on the third page of section B.

He goes on to share with us some of the stories of past Medal of Honor recipients. Even if you've never followed a single link I've ever posted here, I want you to go read this article.

A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man, indeed.

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